There is a verse I have never understood in spite of countless mentionings in sermons and Sunday School classes and even hymns. Maybe I have used it myself but I don’t remember doing so. I hope not because it would not have been honest. The verse is found in John 14:26:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

My spiritual journey can be characterized by a striving for peace. It seemed my heart was always troubled and I certainly was afraid. Nothing I tried could ever reconcile me to this verse.

First of all there seemed to be two kinds of peace. I only knew of one, the kind the world gave I guess. What kind of peace would transcend circumstance, guilt and embarrassment? I didn’t have a clue. I would just put it aside and study something else.
Then, there were the times I would hear a good intentioned fellow traveler say something like “Jesus is the answer”. In the privacy of my mind I would respond with, “depends on the question” and that would spark a new round of wondering about this peace that passeth understanding (note my King James roots.)

I was driving in New York State this week with Jen, my wife, and I saw again, “Jesus is the Answer” literally carved in the side of large hill. This time was different. Maybe I am beginning to understand. I can now identify two kinds of peace. One is the state of mind I am in when I am not threatened by outside circumstance. I guess that is the peace that the world gives.

The second type is being at peace with yourself. If I am at peace with myself, if I love myself, who can take it away? The trick, then, becomes to identify, and accept yourself. Recent reading has shed some light on this process for me. The first step for me was to realize that brokenness is the proper condition for humanity. I will not condemn myself for being born with a sinful nature and neither will I try to kill that part of me. I have gone that route and it is the root cause for my lack of internal peace. The secret is to accept and love that person with all the flaws, obsessions and addictions. This person isn’t the real me. He is the Imposter in me and he is my greatest enemy but Jesus said to love your enemies. If this is true anywhere it is true here. We must recognize and love ourselves even the Imposter. It is such a relief not to be constantly railing against myself.

This brings up another question who is this other person that was so diligent in criticizing the false self that I present to the world. Where does the strength come from to stand up against and even love this enemy (Sounds like Roman 7 doesn’t it?). You can analyze this until the cows come home and probably not find the answer because the answer is found in commitment not analysis. To know yourself you have to commit to something larger than yourself. I am committed to the cause of Jesus Christ and have found that I am a treasured child of God. This position gives me the ability to look at the Imposter and genuinely love him. When that happens there are two results, the Imposter shrinks and looses control and I am at peace. The kind of peace no one can take away. I guess Jesus is the answer.